The Steve-Dave Reality Tour

Which Superhero Are You, Steve & Dave?

Which Superhero Are You, Steve & Dave?

Steve	Dave
If Steve was a superhero he would be Superman	If Dave was a superhero he would be Green Lantern
Comments:	Comments:
Steve: that's whats up Dave: You hate Superman, remember? Steve: As a protagonist sure, he’s limited and boring. But ill take his powers. Steve: and the comparison. Lauren: Hahaha, superman.... Really? Dave: ‎"S" is for Steve Vasey Steve: man of steel baby.... get used to it. if he had a jewfro in that picture we'd look like twins. Lauren: Omggg I remain unconvinced Steve: i have the suit. ill show you Joe B.: Steve, doesn't this dovetail well with your latex fetish? Tim: I guess superdouche was taken? lol Lauren: Steve. I think u in a cape is needed to settle this in my head. Steve: consider this matter settled. its going to be a capey V-Day Jess: I'm Rogue from X-men the tv cartoon. Actually wait a second....do I want to be her or be with her? meow! Steve: you want to be with her. :-) we all did at some point.	Steve: pffft green lantern. i wouldnt wish that on anybody... you have some ring you found in a cereal box that gives you the power of imagination. oh ya.... and your kryptonite is the colour yellow.... the whole colour. not a specific item....anything yellow. yellow car, death. pack of sticky notes, death. a banana, death. the Pittsburgh steelers, death. a bumble bee, death. worst super hero ever. Craig: Agreed, I'd say Wolverine for sure! Dave: He's the best superhero ever! You can do anything your mind can imagine! Travel to distant galaxies. Meet alien chicks. Yellow is the colour of fear! It goes back to origins of the emerald light of willpower. I'd take his powers in a second. Steve: yaaaaawn..... sorry i didnt have time to read that. i was too busy having sex with girls. Craig: ‎............. Bazinga Dave: Steve, remember that you have always hated Daredevil more than any other. Steve: i dunno.... daredevil is blind, but still a super hero. he's playing the hand he was dealt. green lantern gets routinely thwarted by a colour...and not even a primary one. He's not even trying. Dave: Yellow is a primary colour, Steve. It's not the colour itself. Each colour is lined up with an emotion. Green is will, yelllow is fear, red is rage, blue is hope, indigo is compassion, purple is love, orange is avarice, black is death and white is life. You know all this, of course. Steve: yaaaaaaaaaawn.... sorry. sex again.

Who would you be? Find out, click here

Facebook Flame War

This little Flame War was pulled from a Facebook thread that took place on December 13, 2011. It began as our leaders' friend, Joe, put up a new status update.

Enjoy.

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Joe: Kane return with mask!!!!!!! nuff said! EPIC!!

Dave: Really? That excites you?

Joe: sadly............... yes

Luke: Sorry Joe. WWE is obsolete.

[There was a post that existed here where Jonathan commented that the WWE had more friends and money than any of us.]

Jonathan Ross Buckham: And yeah the Mask he wore to come out in, over the other mask WICKED. I hope he keeps it at least for entrances. 3:)

Dave: The WWE has more friends than me? I'll be up tonight thinking about that one. Oh, and no one cares what you think and/or hope, douche.

Jonathan Ross Buckham: Lets see Mr McMahon turned the company into a multi-BILLION dollar industry which donates to charity, pays tribute to the troops, help stop bullying, and the list goes on. Needless to say it's only gotten MORE popular over the years and each of it's shows has the highest ratings each and every week. I'd say its far from obsolete. Thats my only argument here.

Jonathan Ross Buckham: And honestly since i admit my earlier pot-shot was uncalled for, so i recind my comment, but would appreciate a bit of mature discussion. We'e not here to air personal grievances. we're on Joe's post.

Dave: The name's Poody. Get it right. I've forgotten more about wrestling than you'll ever know. It sucks now. Really bad. I've tried getting back into it. It's weak sauce. To the point where Kane putting on a mask is some kind of "news". The ratings are directly tied to the breeding patterns of rednecks and their merchandise sales are related to the day welfare cheques are issued.

Luke: Can I like a comment twice? It really deserves it.

Jonathan Ross Buckham: I could really care less what your name is. I'm gonna keep this mature like i said I would. No matter how much you or anybody else thinks it gone downhill and we are all entitiled to our opinions, but the company lets face it financially and in the regard of picking up it's image is doing very very well. And we all know wrestling, ok? I'm not gonna debate about who knows more or whatever. I couldnt care less. So we've both watched it for a long time and maybe u've watched it for longer. Whatever. I'm sticking to the original point that is the WWE is NOT obsolete. Thats all.

Luke: Now I need a triple dislike button.

Joe: Ummmmmmmmmmmmm, nice discussion??????????? I still love wrestling, I've just never grown out of it I'm not here to make enemies *lol*

Steve: wwe....kane???? .... gay!

Jonathan Ross Buckham: If it's so "gay" then why bother commenting on it? Btw thats not a gret word to use. There are people who would really take offence to that.

Steve: well im not one of them.... you little internet hall monitoring dick suck!
and if your past the age of 14 wrestling is gay! no sexually developed male should enjoy greasy men in tights mock fighting each other..... get your head on straight buckham!

Luke: Seriously. "gret"?

Jonathan Ross Buckham: Lol ok well as I said to the other guys earlier here, if thats your opinion so be it, but are you so insecure you need to a) bash others opinions, b)use homophobic slurs, and c)act like a child? Al I can say is you have my pity. Honestly. I hope you grow up soon. Joe deserves better friends than all of you,

Jonathan Ross Buckham: And yes Luke Gret...I mistyped. It happens.

Steve: johnathan, that is my opinion and i find it amusing that all you have to do between raw and smackdown is troll facebook for anti-wwe comments.
joe deserves better friends then us because we dont like wrestling? I think joe deserves a better friend then a newsy hat wearing man child who uses crisco while jacking off to pictures of kane.

Jonathan Ross Buckham: ok...whatever. I'm just a il bit more mature than you obviously and such i'm dropping this, cause ure arguing this like a child...so w/e. Grow up and come talk to me only then.

Steve: and thank you look for pointing out this dumb shit’s spelling errors.... the community owes you a service.

Steve: “come talk to me only then”? are you challenging to a fight in your fit of nerd rage?

[Jonathan blocks Steve, Dave and Luke on Facebook at this point.]

Steve: Johnathan Ross Buckham!!! you deleted all your posts? ...i will take that as a sign of my victory. Thank you for playing

Luke: I think the newsy blocked me. I can't see his messages anymore. Douche.

Steve and Dave Bicker Behind-the-Scenes

In this behind-the-scenes look, our fearless leaders discuss the posting of podcast episode 48.

Steve & Dave Bickering Session - Episode 6

The following conversation was pulled from an email thread of Steve and Dave that took place on October 6, 2010.

Enjoy.

 

 

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Dave: Wanna do a 'new and interesting' on tonight's show?

Steve: Ya, we can do new and interesting. I have a topic! It’s about polar bears…. The cutest, most noble animal in the arctic kingdom….maybe even the world.

 

Dave: Is that a topic? Polar bears are cute? It seems more like a statement of beliefs.

Steve: No, I was describing the animal the topic is about. The fact that you can just bounce back from a picture like that with a snarky remark is astounding. Didn’t your heart melt? It’s a baby polar bear being sleepy….. that picture could have probably prevented the Vietnam war.

Dave: Polar bears do nothing for me. I certainly would never want to get close to one. They are vicious.

Steve: They do look ferocious…don’t they? I’m actually surprised mankind lasted this long with beasts like these prowling around.

 

Dave: That’s a baby! You told me yourself how the adults kill whales for Christ’s sake.

Steve: Not whales….belugas. Here are some adults for you….. crouched in the attack position. Run… the stoner looks like the leader.

   

Dave: Belugas are whales! All bears are big balls of prowling evil. Has been like that since the dawn of time. Sending a funny picture doesn’t change that. They are killers!

Steve: LOL. I know they’re whales. But they’re not “whale” whales. It’s not like they’re 100 feet long and 6 tons. If they were so evil why would they be on our toonie? The queen is on the toonie….is she evil? Does she kill and eat people? I didn’t think so. Your fears are irrational fabrications. I think you’re a bear-ist. This one looks like it has a taste for human blood.

   

Dave: They are among the fiercest killers in animal kingdom. Leave the Queen out of this. What she ever do to you. This could be you one day with that attitude.

   

Steve: Let me respond to that by saying:

1. Bear yawn
2. Photoshop
3. And polar bears need to eat too.

This is actually what will happen to me with my attitude.

 

Dave: That is no yawn! That is an attack and that poor innocent child was only saved by that safety glass. That is no photoshop! That is a real attack. There are several more photos of that attack. Here is the video. Of course polar bears need to eat…human flesh!

 

Steve: You are worse than the Americans when they talk about muslims. That picture is not of a human. That’s some beluga or something. Maybe you, michael moore, hitler, walt disney, and ronald reagan can all get together and spread more unneeded hate-fear into the world.

Dave: You’re like some retarded snake handling bible pounder. You don’t even look at legitimate facts. You’re just blinded by unchecked, uneducated, emotion. Maybe you’re more like a woman actually. Zing! You don’t know what he’s eating in that photo! It could be human. These polar bears are cute, cuddly heaps of evil. That’s the same trick that the devil used. Don’t you remember The Edge with Baldwin and Hopkins? I know it’s a different type of bear but they all have the same killer instinct.

   

Steve: Did you just call me a bible thumper then cite the “devil” and a movie? I don’t understand the snake handling reference. Then you post a picture from the movie, depicting two men stabbing a bear to death with sticks. That just makes me sad….and confirms that you are a bear-ist. Dave…maybe you should quit this one while you have some shred of dignity… It’s ok. Baby bear will still accept you….bear ignorance and all.

 

Dave: If you don’t understand the snake handling reference then I question if you understand anything. Maybe you just pretend to know all kinds of things. I can’t be sure anymore. Bears are evil. They have no dignity.

Steve: Neither do you bear hitler

Dave: Send them to the ovens.

Steve: Sigh…. You shouldn’t talk about one of our nation’s animals like that. It’s unpatriotic.

Dave: So is your face.

 

 

Steve & Dave Bickering Session - Episode 5

The following conversation was pulled from an email thread of Steve, Dave, Sarah, and Kara that took place on March 4, 2010. This is how it all began.

Enjoy.

 

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Dave: We should start doing our own podcast. Once a week. What do you think? We could have guests. I don't who would listen but we could try to build a following.

[One day later.]

Dave: Respond

Steve: I think we should too! When I fix my comp (hopefully soon) on thing I wanted to do was start an internet radio station. We could do interviews, DVD commentaries, current events, and “out in the field” stuff. We don't need a lot of equipment either. Few mics.... and that’s about it.

Dave: Exactly what I was thinking. I think a weekly half or one hour show. We could have guests, talk about current events. I would want to edit in some music at the start and end and throughout the show just like SModcast (which you should listen to an episode BTW). Even if no one listens, it will be an archive of some of our better conversations. We need a name for the podcast. I suggest:

• "Dave's a killer, Dave's a mess"

IDEAS?

Steve: Ok for all audio needs pre, production, and post Pro Tools is the best way to go. I would love to take care of all that. As far as name goes, I think either both our names should be in it. Examples (not suggestions):

• Steve and Dave's Talkidy Talk Show
• The Dave and Steve Experience
• or no one’s name, The Chit Chat Emporium.

Dave: Well however you want to cut it is fine with me. As long as it is easy for you and it works. There is a new podcast out called "Tell ‘Em Steve-Dave!" so we may want to watch out from using our names. Maybe we do use something with our names so that people accidentally find our site. May lead to lawsuits. We need more name ideas. The Chit Chat Emporium isn't bad but we need to think it through. Something that will be straightforward and work well with marketing our basic content (which is basically nothing). But we, could write editorials or blogs too.

Steve: Laptop will be out of commission until April.... I think.

Dave: Okay. We need a name! Then we can get the design work and domain figured out.

Steve: Here are some ideas:

• Chatious Maximus
• Steve and Dave’s Podcastual Relations
• Podcastually Transmitted Disease
• Dave, Steve, Friends.....and people we tolerate
• The Steve and Dave Interweb Show

Dave: Let's keep it short as possible. Especially for domain names. I tried some combinations with our names, but it just doesn't work. i.e. MVodcast, DSodcast, SDodcast, VModcast. Short List:

• Podcastually Transmitted Disease (PTD or PTDCAST?)
• The Chit Chat Emporium
• Puttnam's Chit Chat Emporium (Based on the old TV show, Puttnam's Prairie Emporium...too obscure eh?)
• The Real Steve-Dave
• Podbusters
• Steve's a Killer, Dave's a Mess (kinda long)
• Expo '83
• Suburbius Maximus

We should probably bring in the girls on this once we have our finalists. Throw out some more.

Steve: Ya, name combos are gay. Lets scratch that. I kinda like PTD. Its short and sweet. I like the word emporium....the chit chat part is lame. I think it’s safe to say the Putnam reference is obscure.... you explained it to me and I still don't get it. The Real Steve-Dave could work. Ok I’m voting for:

• Podcastually Transmitted Disease (PTD)
• Something with the word "Emporium"
• The Real Steve-Dave

Dave: Ok, I am voting for:

• Podcastually Transmitted Disease (PTD)
• Expo '83
• Podbusters

If I'm allowed a fourth vote, then: “The Real Steve-Dave”. Want to bring in the girls? Let's get this tight first...The finalists look like this (no particular order):

• Podcastually Transmitted Disease (PTD)
• The Real Steve-Dave
• Expo '83
• Podbusters
• Emporium something?

Steve: Sounds good! Lets send it out to the women, and see what they say.

Dave: Got any ideas on this Emporium? Or do you want to stick to chit chat?

Steve: …I just hate Chit Chat so much :) Emporium is carrying that whole name...... but I can’t think of anything. Scratch it.

Dave: Already sent it to the girls. I don't think it will get any votes though.

Steve: Good.

[Dave emails Sarah & Kara.]

Dave: Hey Sarah & Kara! Me and Steve are starting a new Podcast around April. We need to come up with a name. We have these finalists:

• Podcastually Transmitted Disease (PTD)
• The Real Steve-Dave
• Expo '83
• Podbusters
• The Chit Chat Emporium

Let us know which you vote for. If you have any other suggestions, let us know. Thanks!

[Steve emails Dave off the thread.]

Steve: I’m feeling PTD. I hope it gets votes.

Dave: Yeah, I like it too but it just feels a bit long and it's tough as an acronym. We are also inventing a new word, which is a tougher sell.

Steve: I will agree PTD is much easier read then said. And don't worry about inventing new words. If it wasn't for linguistic pioneers we'd still be speaking the Queens....and who wants that?

[Sarah and Kara respond.]

Sarah: Questions -

1. Where is this happening?
2. How do you even start a pod cast?
3. When is this happening? (I know you said April, but I mean is this like every night you podcast? Or once a week? Etc.)
4. How do people listen? Is it like radio? Do you sign up on a site or something?
5. is there like music or something? Or just you guys talking?

I clearly know nothing of podcasts and have never listened to one...

Steve: It’s once a week. Would be done at someone’s house. You can listen through iTunes. And it would be primarily a talk show.

Sarah: Ratings & thoughts -

1. The Chit Chat Emporium (mostly because I enjoy the word emporium) "The CCE"
2. Podbusters
3. PTD or PTI
4. Expo '83 - even though I don't totally get this?
5. The Real Steve-Dave

Dave: Well, Sarah. Aren't you little Miss Lois Lane? Expo '83 is a play on Expo '67, which was the biggest Canadian world event back in 1967. Me and Steve are both born 1983, so it's a play on that. It could also be Expose '83.

Steve: I also like the word "Emporium”....but feel “Chit Chat” is weak. :-)

Dave: Kara, don't leave us hanging!

Kara: LOL. Sorry! I stepped away from my desk. I don't like Podbusters or The Chit Chat Emporium. Too kitschy for you guys. I really like the first one as I assume your podcasts are going to be dick and fart jokes. I also like "Expo '83" but will people understand it's because you were both born in '83? Emporium is a good word but maybe you can work it in another way?

Sarah: Steve, have you thought of setting up the basement a little for this? That way there is no other noise around like there would be in a dining room, the basement wouldn't have to be finished totally... just a thought...

Steve: That thought did cross my mind. When we finish the basement and build the studio we can always do it there. But until then we are mobile :)

Kara: How about “The Good Fellas”? It's not copyright because you added the space and it's not a movie title.

Dave: No.

Kara: LOL, ok. What about having a zombie theme to the name?

Steve: LOL, I don't think it would work. But I did think of one name. “The Talking Dead”! Boom! That just happened.

Kara: Hahahaha. Nice. Well, my vote is for "The Talking Dead" or the STD one.

Sarah: No offense but I don’t know if I like "The Talking Dead"... it sounds morbid.

Steve: LOL, well I don't think we are going with a zombie theme show. Episode maybe.

Kara: That's true it does sound kind of morbid. Haha, I didn't mean the entire series would be about zombies! Are you guys partial to any of the names? What are the names again?

Dave: Kara, the list is (no particular order);

• The Real Steve-Dave
• Podbusters
• Expo '83
• PTD
• Emporium ?

Steve: I vote “Real Steve Dave” or “Podporium”! I just made that up now :-)

Sarah: First choice, “Podporium”. Second choice, “Podbusters”.

Kara: I agree with Sarah. Hmm, I kind of like “Podporium”. It's catchy. Welcome to the Podporium.

Steve: Dave, any thoughts on “Podporium”?

Dave: We have a tie between “Podbusters” & “Podporium”. For the record, I hate “Podporium”.

Kara: Steve if you are willing to get on board with “Podbusters” then you guys have a name. What do you think?

Sarah: Or you could both think on it for a bit? Sometimes if you give stuff time you will be doing something else and a great name will just hit you and it will be perfect.

Kara: That's true. You guys aren't starting until April which is a month away. You could just sit on it for a week or two.

Dave: No, I'm determined that Steve and I will agree to something.

Steve: LOL, I am too. How can we be on opposite ends of the pod argument???? I think “Podporium” sounds lovely AND it has much more design/logo ideas. “Podbusters” can have one and only one design and it’s the Ghostbusters symbol but instead of a ghost it is an iPod.

Dave: Not true. Podbusters can be look like Mythbusters.

Kara: That's what I thought of when I first heard it. I totally didn't even click in about Ghostbusters. Are you guys opposed to really raunchy names?

Dave: We agreed we wanted to keep it simple and marketing friendly. The show itself will be vulgar though.

Kara: K, this may be stupid but you could use "Tainted". It kinda points towards the vulgarity of the show and it reminds me of comment you made about the ice dancer taint which makes me laugh ever time.

Steve: Mythbusters has a stupid logo :-). It's welded metal or something. And the “buster” angle has been done.

• Ghostbusters
• Mythbusters
• Buster Towing
• Phone busters
• Buster Keaton
• Buster’s Pizza in Red Deer

The list goes on and on. OH!! There is a podcast by DJ Skar called the DJ SKAR Podbuster show. It’s taken. DJ SKAR Podbuster Show.

Dave: Well I suppose we both get a veto and Podbusters is out. I don't like Podporium, so that's out too. It won't make sense to anyone.

• The Real Steve-Dave (Steve’s Pick)
• Expo '83 (Dave’s Pick)

This is what's left really. I can get behind the Steve-Dave. Although you can argue that is taken already too. A variant: The Steve-Dave Reality Tour.

Sarah: I like “The Steve Dave Reality Tour” better than “The Real Steve-Dave” personally.

Steve: “Expo ’83” reminds me of baseball…..and baseball sucks. I could get behind “The Steve-Dave Reality Tour”.

Sarah: I made one up… I don’t know if you guys will like it though…”Pod Happy”.

Steve: I kinda like Pod Happy! We could have a really cracked out smiley face as a logo.

Dave: Doesn't do anything for me. The Steve-Dave Reality Tour is the working title. Now we move to creative development. A logo, etc. I am going to ask Rich to do the design work.

Steve: Well shouldn’t we get the final name before designing a logo?

Dave: Well, yes. Are you sold on “Steve-Dave”? I'm open to more suggestions.

Steve: If I’m the only one who liked Pod Happy, then The Steve-Dave Reality Tour is the last man standing.

Dave: Seems like we are settling. Let's go back to the drawing board.

Kara: What did you guys think of “Tainted”. Nobody said anything about it. Does that mean you don’t like it?

Dave: No, Kara.

Kara: It's not that bad. I have no idea then. For the record I like the Steve Dave Reality Tour as well. It kinda sounds like the only ones who can work it out are you two. You are the ones who have the vision of it.

Sarah: “Two Peas in a Podcast”.

Kara: Hehehe, I like that one! Sarah, you and I should do a podcast and name it that!

Steve: LOL, that’s very cute baby. But maybe a little gay for two dudes.

Dave: It was cute, but I agree with Steve.

• V-Cast (Based on nothing more than a V in each of our names)
• Spartacast (Just corny, but it made me kind of laugh)
• Maple-Cast (I dunno...)

I really just keep imagining "Welcome to [Blank]...". If that doesn't sound good I don't really go with it. Keep throwing out ideas. We'll stumble along with something. I will also throw out some of our rejected ones:

• Steve's a Killer, Dave's a Mess
• Suburbius Maximus
• The Steve and Dave Interweb Show
• Steve and Dave’s Podcastual relations

Steve: Podcastual relations makes me laugh.

Kara: Same. I like 1 and 4.

Dave: How about "The Vay-Z and Madman Show". Simple. Classic. Early morning radio DJish.

Steve: I definitely don’t hate it. That’s my problem, nothing is jumping out at me.

Dave: Well, it’s just a title. It doesn't have to be epic. The "Vay & Mad-man Show" or "The Mad-man & Vay Show".

Kara: “Canuckle Heads Podcast Hour”.

[Dave emails Steve privately.]

Dave: Ok, we aren't getting anywhere with this. Let's take the girls out of it for a sec. I want to keep it short and original. I don't like making up new words. What do you want?

Steve: I like making up new words. :-). I like Podcastual Relations, Pod Happy, and Podporium. I honestly don’t care too much about the name. I can always make fun of it later :-). Let’s just go with The Steve-Dave Reality Tour. It seems to be the least offensive to all.

Dave: I was just worried about it ripping off the other Steve-Dave show too much. Maybe it will get us publicity, or a lawsuit. You good with that?

Steve: I'm cool. If those fags make any noise we can deal with it then. It's not our fault that we share our name with two other podcasters, and we just so happen to be ridiculously more talented. :-)

Dave: Ok, The Steve-Dave Reality Tour it is. We should register steve-dave.com. It's available.

 

Steve & Dave Bickering Session - Episode 4

The following conversation was pulled from an email thread of Steve and Dave that took place on August 31, 2010.

Enjoy.

 

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Dave: Are you putting the new episode up at lunch?

Steve: Yep. I only cut 10 mins. All in its about 80 mins long…. and its pretty much all funny.

Dave: Funny is good.

Steve: Funny IS good. You’ve earned yourself a cat high five. Enjoy.

 

Dave: Hey, check this story out.

Steve: How is that even news? Bunch of guards watching 2 hot girls over the cctv? Big deal. Slap them on the wrist for “allowing sex” and move on. Stupid British Columbians…

Dave: Oh, it’s news. I am reblogging it now. The Mounties maybe are not as pure as we have thought.

Steve: LOL. Mounties….who cares? Well I guess you do….and whoever wrote that article, and the young female lawyer who thinks this “scandal” will make her career. So 3 people care.

Dave: Oh, you are so getting quoted.

Steve: Well if you’re going to quote me fix my typos. Why don’t you blog about Richard Gere? It is his birthday today….he is 51.

Dave: The article is now up. What the fuck would I want to talk about Richard Gere for?

Steve: LOL. I don’t know…. It seemed more interesting then Mounties “not doing anything” during a sexual situation. At least Richard Gere is going to have a party… I don’t know anymore….

   

Dave: Weak sauce, kitten man. How about this name for volume 3..."Upper Middle Road".

Steve: Upper Middle Road? I don’t get the reference. How about “volume sthreeve” or “third time is a charm” or “Tour De Steve” or “Here’s Looking at you Kid” or “Canadiana” or “insert name here” …. That’s all I got right now.

Dave: Upper Middle Road is a street in Oakville and Burlington that both you and I grew up/lived on or nearby. I kind of came up with it based on Abbey Road. None of those really resonate.

Steve: If "tour de steve" doesn’t resonate you have some issues to work out. First the cats, now the names.

   

Steve: I get where you’re going with the Abbey Road thing, that’s actually the first thing that came to mind (we could do a cool Beatles knock off…just like every other douche bag who’s seen that cover). I just think it’s a terribly clumsy name. Abbey road is a cool name…. Upper Middle Road isn’t. It sounds directionally challenged.

Dave: I don’t think it’s directional in nature. I think it refers to Upper Middle class. Which is accurate to Oakville and Burlington. The Abbey Road spoof would be awesome.

Steve: Really Dave? We go around naming streets based on income? How come there’s no “Subsidized Housing Lane” or “Food Stamp Ave” or “Wasp Way” or “Their Children Drive Nicer Cars Than You Boulevard”? Its named after its positioning in the city. It was the main east/west road in the northern half. Hence upper middle. It cuts the upper portion of the city in half. It would be a cool picture…..not original….. but cool. I just hate that name. You’re so getting a cat now.

 

Dave: No way. The street is not named based on positioning. It’s about upper middle class. I’ll make a bet on that with you. Agreed? If you win you can name it whatever you want. If I win, you have to watch a Mythbusters marathon with me.

Steve: Lol, I'll make the bet. But win or lose I'm never watching Mythbusters. You know what myth they should bust? If they’ve been burying 20 years of sexual desire between each other under stupid experiments, and worse hats. How are we going to prove how the street was named? We aren’t going to find a website saying “Yes, its named after the sorta rich people who live here”. And we definitely won’t find documentation stating its named after positioning in the city because IT IS SELF EXPLANATORY. God help you….CAT!

 

Dave: I’m going to start researching.

Steve: Good! Lets do this!

[Some time later.]

Steve: Find anything? I checked Wikipedia, and a historical Burlington website….nothing.

Dave: Not yet. It’s surprisingly difficult.

Steve: I gave up. Too many cats on Google. It distracted me.

Dave: I talked to my historian friend. She said that the “up” and in the middle of the city makes a lot more sense to her.

Steve: It does make a lot of sense….doesn’t it? :-) and that’s coming from a Burlington historian! "Tour De Steve" anyone????

Dave: I haven’t been proven wrong yet. She’s the company historian.

Steve: There are lots of things we cant prove wrong, but still regard as wrong. Like creationism….no one can prove it didn’t happen. And scientists have even disproved evolution…..but we still think the same.

Dave: I think that is the least intelligent thing you’ve ever written.

Steve: Shut up cat hater! I don’t remember asking you if you could score my opinions….. I don’t get graded on a curve, I am the curve! And there’s only one rating: Awesome! Don’t you have a class or race to discriminate against? I thought you were still petitioning to have Fairview turned into “Negro Way”. You’re Martin Luther King’s anti-christ.

Dave: I wasn’t discriminating anyone. I was referring to socio-economic status.

Steve: Don’t take the historians term and regurgitate it me! I’ll socio-econ all over your face! 

[Dave redirects emails towards the Burlington Historical Society and copies Steve.]

Dave: Hello Burlington Historical Society. I am doing some research on the city of Burlington on a project of personal interest. I am trying to find out the origin of Upper Middle Road. I want to know what is named after or for. Are you able to help? Thank you.

[Steve privately messages Dave.]

Steve: Good! You’re gonna get an email back like this: “…ugh…. Cause its “up” and in the “middle”…..what are you 12 or something?” LOL.

 

Dave: “Up” is where? It’s not in the “middle” of anything. It has nothing to do with geographics.

Steve: Keep telling yourself that. You know damn well since the dawn of language and maps people have associated the word “up” with north? And its in the “middle” of the northern block of the city. Why is that so hard for you to believe? Take a second and think about your “labeling the classes” system of road names. Where else have you seen that? Show me one “Minority Crescent” and I’ll be quiet.

Dave: But the road is not in the northern most part of the city. The city goes for miles and miles north after that road. The “middle” also makes no sense. The road goes all the way through Burlington and Oakville. I didn’t name it. People do name stuff and all kinds of retarded shit. It wasn’t my idea. I just think that’s what it is named after.

Steve: Shhhh…...trying to disprove my rightness is only going to frustrate you. Here’s a cat. Now that is a saucy cat.

 

[The Burlington Historical Society replies.]

Jane: Hello David. Upper Middle Road was a Concession Road from the original survey of 1806. Dundas Street, aka Highway 5 and "The Governor's [Simcoe's] Road", was the first road, otherwise referred to as the spine of the earliest development of this part of Upper Canada. The southern borders of Concessions South of Dundas Street (SDS on Survey Plans) were Con 1 Upper Middle Road, Con 2 Middle Road (now the QEW), Con 3 (now New Street) and Con 4 Lake Ontario. I used to suppose it was reference to the socio-economic status of many Burlington residents, but no.

Dave: Fuck… You win, Steve.

Steve: YEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss! Victory cat party!

 

Steve: VOLUME 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Dave: You fucker.

Steve: LOL. Are you excited? We could still do a photo. Maybe both of us on bikes. Or carrying bikes , or something like. Or crossing the road abbey style with bikes.

Dave: Whatever you want to do.

Steve: Well do you have a preference at all? Any ideas? We can always default cat…

Steve & Dave Bickering Session - Episode 3

The following conversation was pulled from an email thread of Kara, Steve, and Dave that took place on September 27, 2010.

Enjoy.

---

Kara: Click on the link to see all 13 photo's after you read the article. Some of the pictures are haunting... http://www2.macleans.ca/2010/09/16/the-kids-are-not-all-right/

Dave: Meh. I don’t even understand half of what those pictures are trying to say. Fail.

Kara: Damn! I will win your affection somehow....I guess if Dave thinks it's a fail, Steve certainly thinks it's a fail. You guys are really hard to please. :P

Steve: I think it’s alright…it is kinda interesting. Using kids for perspective or shock value is always a good thing :-)

Dave: I think it’s better if we use them for manual labour no one else wants to do.

Steve: Ya….or that. Kids are good because their hands are little and can reach into clogged machinery. Too bad their little arms aren’t strong enough to do any real hard labor.

Dave: It is spelled “labour” in Canada, Steve.

Steve: Who are you, chief of the language police? Suck a dick hippy.

Dave: This is why you should have went to a few more classes in high school. They might have taught you basic spelling.

Steve: “ha ha ha” A spelling zing? Really Dave? I use spell check….. direct your left wing pseudo-communist anger their way.

Dave: Steve, in the robot uprising we will be forced to abandon computers are go back to long hand. When that happens you will be left behind as intellectually inferior and forced to prostitute yourself to terminators and aristocratic human warlords with awesome spelling abilities.

Steve: Wow…. Is this what you jack off to at night? Some robotic sex slave trade, where proper punctuation is rewarded with wealth and status, and regional spelling is punished by sodomy? Why would the robots rank us based on that skill? They’re robots….they can spell better then anybody. And why would they take over the world to pursue Doug Atchison’s wet dream? How does that improve a robot society?

Dave: Robots demand perfection, Steve. They CAN spell better than anybody and will instantly be able to spot the sub-standard spellers for what they are: robot cum dumpsters. They would do the same based on math skills, probably more so.

Steve: I'm going to leave it with this.

 

Steve & Dave Bickering Session - Episode 2

The following conversation was pulled from an email thread of Steve and Dave that took place on September 16, 2010.

Enjoy.

---

Steve: Well its 9 am and we have 97 hits on the website. That’s not bad.

Dave: True that, sir.

Steve: So I’m still thinking of slogans but I have thought of a new blog or segment I’d like to do. It will be called something like “Blog on Blast” or “Typepad on Blast”. Every week I will pick a blog I don’t like (sometimes it will be a blog I like…. If that ever happens) and I will calmly explain why. That should stir up some responses.

Dave: How about “Bloggy on the Spot”? or “Blog Roast”?

Steve: Bloggy on the spot sounds like something dirty you do behind closed doors. And roast sounds like its all in good fun…when it may not be. I get genuinely offended by blog sites dave….. g e n u i n e l y

Dave: Alright. How about “Genuine Disgust with Steve” ? or “Blog Vomit with Steve”?

Steve: I dunno. I like blog on blast. We can call it b-o-b for short. Or we can call it “who do you think you are you talentless fuck face?” “this week on WDYTYAYTFF we take a closer look at sewing with sue. “ LOL maybe that’s too long

Dave: I like "who do you think you are you talentless fuck face?” but call it whatever you want. It’s your idea anyway.

Steve: Thank you David. I posted a new blog. It’s about the missing cat.

Dave: Yeah, I saw it. It’s easier to read in that format than the email thread from earlier in the week. Why didn’t you just paste the whole piece into your blog rather than just putting the link? You could have used the reblogit bookmarklet in order to reference the original. I’m not sure if you know what that means actually. It's called a reblog.

Steve: Oh I’m sorry Dave, I forgot you got your fucking doctorate in widgets. Well Doctor, I’ll tell you why. You can’t cut and paste pictures. You have to upload each manually. So my options were saving 8 pictures to my desktop and uploading individually or going to his website searching for the “reeee-bloger????” you speak of (which I’m clearly under qualified for. Yale denied my application to the 4 year program….guess my GPA was too low) or typing “click here” and dropping a link.

Dave: It’s okay, Steve. I can teach you how to do it. Do you want me to fix your blog for you?

Steve: Thanks buddy. I hope you grade on a curve…I’m not sure if I’ll be able to keep up. No, no I don’t.

Dave: This knowledge is literally going to change your life.

Steve: I don’t think it is. I’m a link guy, I don’t want to assimilate this hipster blogging culture.

Dave: But links drive traffic away from us. You should totally learn it. It will make you a better blogger. Resistance is futile, Steve.

Steve: They still have to come to us, and the link opens in another window. Fuck you Dave and your blogster ways. Why don’t you go “lol” at something technical, or “QQ” over the latest irrelevant news issue with your Typepad “friends”?

Dave: Aww, Steve. I feel sorry for you.

Steve: I feel sorry for you. If someone told you that you could suck a widget from a penis I’d bet you’d try. And plus I don’t like the idea of reblogging. Its like plagiarism. “oooh look what’s on my site I’m so funny and original”! false! If you’re gonna steal someone else’s shit you should be up front. That will be one of the platforms I run on.

Dave: It is upfront. The reference is right there. No plagiarism.

Steve: Shhhhhhh, I’m tired of talking about your witchcraft.

Steve & Dave Bickering Session - Episode 1

The following conversation was pulled from an email thread of Steve and Dave that took place on August 30, 2010.

Enjoy.

---

Dave: Hey Steve, which are your favourites? You can have more than one. Or none is acceptable too.

          

Steve: I dunno. pac attack….i guess. Why do you ask?

Dave: Going to drop a blog. Didn’t want to do all at once. You didn’t like any of the others?

Steve: Lol, not really. I didn’t even really like pacman. He was just the least offensive to me. I mean I’d eat a super hero cupcake….but a picture of one isn’t doing anything for me.

Dave: You’re so hard to make laugh. How about this?

   

Steve: Lol, I a tough nut to crack. Meh…. When it comes to stop sign humor there is only one king.

 

King Hammer.

Dave: That joke is so episode 13, Steve. How about this one?

 

Steve: Lol no! Where the fuck are you finding these terrible pictures?? “lab coat breakdowns”, “zinging the concept of a single vs an album”????? everytime you send me one of those, im sending you a picture of a kitten.

Starting now

 

Dave: I’m finding them on the wire. Don’t blame me that I have a sense of humour. They kick the crap out of “redneck firestarter”. How about these?

          

Steve: Please….. a guy nearly setting himself on fire is way funnier then writing “ctrl-x” on a pair of scissors and taking a picture of it. The batman shoes are kinda cool….i wouldn’t wear them around necessarily… but it didn’t offend me. Here’s another cat picture for you

 

Dave: He didn’t even set himself on fire. Did you even watch that video?

Steve: Hence the strategic placing of the word “nearly”.

Dave: Oh, I missed that. There is nothing funny about nearly being lit on fire.

Steve: There’s lots funny with that.

Dave: It would only be funny if it was Mythbusters. That’s a fact.

Steve: You would think drowning kittens were funny if were on that show. Two geeks, both bald, one in an Indiana jones hat, the other in a beret, taking 50 mins to show us 2 a min clip something blowing up. sigh…..

Dave: All of what you say is true and I still love it.

Steve: Did you read my last blog?

Dave: I did read it and I posted a comment. You LA whore. You’re going to move there and leave me all alone to get frost bite by myself.

Steve: If/when I move you can come too. I don’t own the state of California. Its 75+ degrees there everyday. You’ll never get frostbite again.

Dave: If I was going to go anywhere is California, it would be San Francisco. That’s where the Mythbusters are from. How far is that from LA?

Steve: Pffft san fran? Why would you do that? is there a part of yourself you want to explore? 2 hours away...maybe more. San fran is a lot like full house…..all the neighbours are like kimmy gibbler, people try to live in your basement/attic….. but they’re all gay. Maybe you could take the trolly from san fran to LA…. I totally made that up…you cant’

Dave: San Francisco is so cool to me. I know they have a big gay population. You talk like it’s 100% gay.The city is beautiful. That’s also where the Mythbusters are from. It’s also right next to San Jose so NHL is easily accessible. That’s also where Typepad is from and Emily. Golden Gate bridge and Harvey Milk. Do you even read my blogs? I talked all about this last week.

Steve: I say again “PFFFFT”. Didn’t they prove that san fran has a 90%+ gay ratio? I thought I read that somewhere…. Right wing weekly or something. Eitherway I’ve burnt it into my brain as fact now.

Dave: Here’s a couple of fun facts. San Fran is 6 hours from LA. San Francisco was once known as “The City of Saint Francis” when it was founded by Irish immigrants. The city has 15.4% gay population. Far from the 90% you’re going on about, Bill O’Reilly.

Steve: Ya, maybe 15% of the overall population. Half of which is women. That means is more like 30%+. That means 1 in every 3 guys is gay. If you were sitting on a bench and looked to your left and right, one of those dudes is into dudes…..thats startling. Whats up now Professor factington?

Dave: Startling? Not to me. They mostly congregate in the Castro anyway. If I went to Chinatown, 3 in 3 guys is likely into Chinese women….or noodles. Doesn’t bother me. I think you’ve been in the burbs too long, haha. I don’t know how the gays and lesbians divide in that 15%.

Steve: Don’t come at me with that hippy crap. “3 out of 3 Chinese guys like noodles”…. go start a commune and get everyone to make their own clothes, and spend the weekends bathing sea turtles. I'm not anti gay…. I just prefer to experience it as an accent, a light seasoning in the culture of a city. I don’t want gay pride parade every day. Very much the way I would not want to live in china town. I don’t speak the language, don’t like half the food. my thoughts are the same with the gay populace…except I don’t like any of the food (which is cock meat sandwiches if you were wondering). And fyi….we don’t count lesbians…. They’re hot.

Dave: Hahaha

Steve: Here’s a kitten. The caption isn’t that funny….just the picture. That’s an intimate cat embrace.